East Coast Couple of the Year

By I. Dew

Sincerest Frankland felicitations are in order for hooded sweatshirt peddler Alex MacLean and Taylor Northey, but their recent nuptials on a private beach in Mexico is only half the reason.

Believe it or not, the East Coast Lifestyles wunderkind and his blushing bride somehow managed to restrain themselves from advertising vegan fish sticks or coffee sweetener in matrimonial photos posted to their social media channels last month.

Last winter, you’ll recall my organ took notice of the toothsome couple’s penchant for whoring themselves out as so-called Instagram influencers for any brand that will take them, from Tim Horton’s to American Express, Doritos and Sugar Twin.

That was also around the time keen-eyed social media denizens found what they believed to be lines of Bolivian Marching Powder laid out on Alex’s phone in a credit card ad posted to his Instagram that, for whatever reason, quickly disappeared (Frank 813).

Pics posted to social media accounts belonging to the newlyweds show them tying the knot on a private beach in Puerto Vallarta in late January, while 60 or so guests looked on.

A premium wedding package on Majahuitas beach, which is accessible only by boat, costs USD $5,000 plus an additional $99 per guest.

But just because the couple, both in their late 20s, took a break from the Instagram product placement salt mines for a few days to get hitched, don’t think for a moment that their days in the sponsored content racket are behind them.

In recent months, Alex and Taylor — just promoted to VP at the sweatshirt factory (schtupping the boss has its privileges! — ed.) — have posted ads for Gardein meat-free frozen filets, Andrew Peller winery’s No Boats on Sunday cider, Tim’s, AMEX, Keith’s and Halifax Chrysler Dodge, to name but a few.

It also appears that Taylor and her galpals got a break on the rental of her bachelorette party weekend villa in beautiful downtown Mount Uniacke procured through AirBNB specialist Jordan Hipson’s Over Sea Real Estate Management concern, which rents for $1,444/night.

Fronting on Cockscomb Lake, 232 Partridge Lane, Mount Uniacke (2020 assessment: $614,200) is a five-bedroom pile owned by CEO of Bedford-based miner Elcora Advanced Minerals Troy Grant and wiferoo Suzanne MacLeod.

It appears poor Taylor spent more time, er, shilling for @stayoversea than she did playing inflatable penis ring toss or whatever it is you’re supposed to do at a bachelorette party.

Victuals for the occasion were prepared by Halifax-based personal chef extraordinaire Dany Duguay.